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A story that some don’t get. And if they did get it, that would be like Utopia man.

December 21, 2011

man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around the garden.

Next, he noticed the door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog. Walking in the door, he found a lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various piles of clothing.

He thought his wife might be in the kitchen, but all that he found were dishes filling the sink, breakfast cereal on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping carefully over crayons, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He became flushed when he noticed a small trickle of water had made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, miles of toilet paper that lay in a heap and toothpaste fingerprints on the walls. He rushed to the bedroom, and there he found his wife curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?”  ”Yes” he incredulously replied.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

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Big Sky Love

March 4, 2011

I’ve been swapping stories about illnesses and medical issues with people lately. Why? Because nothing is more exciting than sharing stories about hideous medical experiences that’s why. Also, I feel less alone in my little crisis each time I meet minds with others in the waiting room and in line at the pharmacy. It seems everyone has a medical experience to share.
Read more…

Many Years from Now

February 23, 2011

I have piles of incomplete projects to tend to, though I prefer thinking I have an assortment of unfolding happenings going on. It sometimes happens that life comes with one to many surprises to bear all at once, in successive months. You might not think you can adapt to chaos, or that there IS order in it, but I secretly think this is why sticky notes were created.

In Awe with My Flowers

January 11, 2011

Some things cause me such consternation. Like some nameless people in this world who feel the need to mine my blog for words and photos and such and then leave threatening comments that will remain unpublished and my property.

My blog has always felt like my little space to share some of the many things that I’ve experienced in my world. I struggle with this life that was given me to know, to figure out. And I’m glad to know so many of you who were and are mystified about life alongside me. Life does not make sense to me all the time and I can not make sense of it for others. And now, I just wish to appreciate the wonder of it all without needing to make sense of anything.

My blog has never really had an aim or a purpose. When I lived in Morse Iowa I created it for a small community I felt a great love for. When I moved to Des Moines I wished only to connect with mothers. My tribe. My people. My flowers. When we moved here, my children and  I left everything we had known for a very long time and moved on. My daughters and I missed our friends there dearly. My blog has been the place where I made what was once private, public — a place where I felt good to express so many feelings that would have gone unspoken otherwise.

Words are like salve when they come from the heart. I felt heard. To feel the true caring of others has been a great gift. Especially as I have come to terms with the light and dark sides of my Orphan Archetype.

So many times you have made my world feel less cold than it appeared to be at times. I could not be more grateful. I am lost, I am found and etc. I revel in that expression many times again and again.

And right now I just want to remember and to appreciate all of those who have passed through my life, and to appreciate the mysteries life has given all of us. Uprooting all prior posts helped me remember again that not all mysteries need to be solved. And so it goes that I have no definition or purpose or aim in writing right now. Some things  need uprooted and other things need ressurrected. And with that, I remain wandering, appreciating and in awe that we met traveling through these great passages at all.

And so I sit, and remain a tiny speck on the cloud of God waiting. Peeling apples with the company of Clarrisa Pinkola Estes.

I am Stardust, I am Golden

October 9, 2009

“Fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are.”

-Quentin Crisp

I can conceive the inconceivable. I’ve always considered this a creative asset though I admit, sometimes it isn’t. Like when I get scared about issues that affect my home or the well being of my children or me. When what I value in life is undermined … it’s a BIG thing that calls me to do something. Seek the answer … “What! What! What! do I do?!” KNOCK,KNOCK, KNOCK. Dare I say that I have had little rest for a few days, knocking and seeking, imagining the worst possible scenario regarding various situations unfolding for the worst.

True to my Ayurvedic dosha, I’m a Vata who can suffer from excess worry when life dishes me something that is out of my hands. We all have a unique physiological balance to contend with, dualities exist in nature everywhere. The difference between scared and sacred is a duality like love and fear. The artist in me, the one who sees contrasts, realizes this trait for seeing contrasts can be a liability or an asset. I am tested often and much, it’s been this way my whole life. Now I am 47 and can see how it has served me and those I love.

I think I am defined by what I give.

Being scared is a temporary state of mind that can be helpful — or not. Being scared is an emotion to savour on Halloween … it’s an emotion that tells me it’s time to make a change. Resisting change is a liability I think, I’ve learned this over and over again.. I recently read that being scared is like a traffic light, a signal that tells you it’s time to stop, or to go, or to proceed with caution. Sometimes being scared sounds an alarm that helps you decide to swim instead of sink.

Being scared makes me ask a lot of questions I can’t answer: “”What will I do if _____ ” … these can haunt me when I forget how sacred I am. When I fail to remember I can trust in life.

I found out that if you think about what scares you for too many days it can exhaust you and you might lose sight of what you value, like sleep for instance.  In these past several days I remembered I am more sacred than I am scared. A little dyslexic spiritual perspective has helped me return to a more natural state today … though I admit I’ve got a ways to go. The place I was prior to the news life would be changing again. I forgot that I was the shore and life was the ebb and the tide.

And then I remember about the knowing … the knowing all of life descended from the same Big Bang, all of life is made of the same particle of stardust. This makes us all One … and then I remembered it makes me One with the entire Universe of possibilities.

I’m trying to remember that being sacred instead of scared will align me with my truer nature . Remembering that I have the wisdom of the Universe guiding me it helps a lot. I almost forgot, change is knocking at my door and I don’t need to be scared. I just need to remember how sacred I am.

And that’s where I am, sitting on the moon with no where to go. The difference today, I am trusting in life again, remembering who I am. Made up of the same 92 elements of the Universe as you are … I am stardust. We owe it to ourselves to honor the stardust in our self and in each other. Reminds me of a song that echoes in my memory:

I came upon a child of God
He was walking along the road
And I asked him, where are you going
And this he told me
I’m going on down to Yasgurs farm
I’m going to join in a rock n roll band
I’m going to camp out on the land
I’m going to try an get my soul free
We are stardust
We are golden
And we’ve got to get ourselves
Back to the garden

What I want, wants me too. I forgot … I belong to Life.