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I am Stardust, I am Golden

October 9, 2009

“Fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are.”

-Quentin Crisp

I can conceive the inconceivable. I’ve always considered this a creative asset though I admit, sometimes it isn’t. Like when I get scared about issues that affect my home or the well being of my children or me. When what I value in life is undermined … it’s a BIG thing that calls me to do something. Seek the answer … “What! What! What! do I do?!” KNOCK,KNOCK, KNOCK. Dare I say that I have had little rest for a few days, knocking and seeking, imagining the worst possible scenario regarding various situations unfolding for the worst.

True to my Ayurvedic dosha, I’m a Vata who can suffer from excess worry when life dishes me something that is out of my hands. We all have a unique physiological balance to contend with, dualities exist in nature everywhere. The difference between scared and sacred is a duality like love and fear. The artist in me, the one who sees contrasts, realizes this trait for seeing contrasts can be a liability or an asset. I am tested often and much, it’s been this way my whole life. Now I am 47 and can see how it has served me and those I love.

I think I am defined by what I give.

Being scared is a temporary state of mind that can be helpful — or not. Being scared is an emotion to savour on Halloween … it’s an emotion that tells me it’s time to make a change. Resisting change is a liability I think, I’ve learned this over and over again.. I recently read that being scared is like a traffic light, a signal that tells you it’s time to stop, or to go, or to proceed with caution. Sometimes being scared sounds an alarm that helps you decide to swim instead of sink.

Being scared makes me ask a lot of questions I can’t answer: “”What will I do if _____ ” … these can haunt me when I forget how sacred I am. When I fail to remember I can trust in life.

I found out that if you think about what scares you for too many days it can exhaust you and you might lose sight of what you value, like sleep for instance.  In these past several days I remembered I am more sacred than I am scared. A little dyslexic spiritual perspective has helped me return to a more natural state today … though I admit I’ve got a ways to go. The place I was prior to the news life would be changing again. I forgot that I was the shore and life was the ebb and the tide.

And then I remember about the knowing … the knowing all of life descended from the same Big Bang, all of life is made of the same particle of stardust. This makes us all One … and then I remembered it makes me One with the entire Universe of possibilities.

I’m trying to remember that being sacred instead of scared will align me with my truer nature . Remembering that I have the wisdom of the Universe guiding me it helps a lot. I almost forgot, change is knocking at my door and I don’t need to be scared. I just need to remember how sacred I am.

And that’s where I am, sitting on the moon with no where to go. The difference today, I am trusting in life again, remembering who I am. Made up of the same 92 elements of the Universe as you are … I am stardust. We owe it to ourselves to honor the stardust in our self and in each other. Reminds me of a song that echoes in my memory:

I came upon a child of God
He was walking along the road
And I asked him, where are you going
And this he told me
I’m going on down to Yasgurs farm
I’m going to join in a rock n roll band
I’m going to camp out on the land
I’m going to try an get my soul free
We are stardust
We are golden
And we’ve got to get ourselves
Back to the garden

What I want, wants me too. I forgot … I belong to Life.

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. October 27, 2009 1:56 pm

    Keep in mind that the foreclosure may not even affect your living situation. You could have a new landlord in the near future however, the foreclosure process can be lengthy especially if the current owner files BK. If the property reverts back to the bank they will want to continue to collect the rents. If a bidder purchases the property they will likely want to continue collecting the rents. The impact to you as a tenant could be as simple as a change in address of where you send your rent. It is unlikely they will evict tenants unless they intend to demolish the building. Depending on your state law, they could change the terms of your lease but all that is manageable.

  2. October 27, 2009 4:39 pm

    It’s the Inspector deeming the building unsafe for occupancy and being an occupant. Scary stuff like that Tammy … makes me wiggy.

  3. October 27, 2009 4:40 pm

    Well, what an amazing post. I’m happy you are feeling a bit better and I just love the way you say it.

    I didn’t know what the hell a Ayurvedic dosha was but very much wanted to be a Vata because that word is also Spanish slang that loosely translates to; “dudette” or “girlfriend”, as in…”Whassup girlfriend?!”. Anyway, I took a quiz and found that my Ayurvedic dosha IS Vata. Yay! 🙂 I have to question the source though since the first sentence describing a Vata is, “Vata-type people are generally thin and find it hard to gain weight.”. Um…no, not so much, unfortunately. I’ll try another site I think.

    As someone who is scared several times a day about possible scenarios, I feel ya Vata! It’s difficult to stop once you get rolling isn’t it? You’re doing everything right in remembering you can’t control what you can’t control, worrying doesn’t solve anything and everything happens for a reason.

    But still….I do hope you get to stay and sorry that Jake is leaving.

  4. Michelle permalink
    October 27, 2009 8:26 pm

    When I begin to become consumed by worry and fear, I have learned to just – stop. Worrying should prepare you for disaster, but it doesn’t. I learned that nothing prepares you. We spend so much time in our lives suffering (some more than others for sure), we don’t need any dress rehearsals. The worst will find us, and you know what? We will have to deal with it when it does.

    So my advice is to do what keeps you safe for the moment (like staying in touch with the banker and the city) but try to realize and accept that the ultimate outcome isn’t within your control and when the situation comes to a point where a decision that is within your control to make comes, you know your wise little self will do the right thing 🙂

  5. October 27, 2009 8:44 pm

    I haven’t thought or read about Ayurveda in YEARS!! Deepok Chopra introduced me to it in a book at least a decade ago. Fantastic feeling that you brought that flooding back for me! 🙂

    I do a similar thing of worrying about all these different scenarios. Sometimes, it seems like what gets me through is scenario fatigue: I get so tired of worrying that I think, “Eff it. I’d rather it just happen than worry about it happening.” Not exactly a light at the end of the tunnel scenario, I realize.

    Dawn, I hope that it goes well for you. Moving is a big enough pain, let alone moving without it having been your choice.

    Good luck.

  6. October 27, 2009 9:15 pm

    dawn, what an amazing way to put all these feelings into words. i myself am a worrier-extraordinaire — i always believed, even as a small child, if i prepared for the worst that i would never be disappointed. all THAT did was create a tendency to cycle through anxiety, and internally lower my own sense of confidence and security. although there is nothing like worrying about school and work that makes me study or work harder — so it does work for some things. the rest, well, i am still working on that….

    i agree with michelle absolutely, and i think, dawn, that you will know just what to do when you need to do it. as you have said to me, “trust”.

    hugs,
    lynette

  7. October 27, 2009 11:07 pm

    Awesome post, Dawn. Some people are destroyed by hardships; you have learned to accept and be the brightest stardust you can be. I’m hoping for the best for you and your family.

  8. October 28, 2009 6:45 am

    what poetry i found in this post. beautiful images birthed from a holistic approach to life. should i expect anything less from the spiritual philosopher?

    jesus tells those who are weak and burdened to come to him and he will give them rest. i think about that often, the rest that comes with trust, with faith. how much mental energy do we waste on worry? how many times do we scare ourselves about things that never happen? we are sacred and that means that we march to a different rhythm, one that isn’t often heard above the noise of life. you have to be still to hear it. sounds like you have heard the beat….

  9. October 28, 2009 3:38 pm

    I love your thoughts! I love who you are! You are love!

  10. October 29, 2009 7:24 pm

    I love you Mark. I love being surrounded by each of you, the sense of family I get on my blog is BIG.

    Why Penelope Trunk is telling people NOT to use their blog as a diary is beyond me.

    It’s the puzzles and the pieces each of you help me put together here and on your own blogs. I do love you all so BIG.

  11. October 29, 2009 8:51 pm

    Ummmm … Ms. Trunk has used her blog as a diary and told some seriously personal and controversial dirty little secrets of her own. Did she change her tune after the tweet about the “lucky” miscarriage? I stopped following her after that stunt.

  12. October 30, 2009 4:25 am

    I stick to the news in my home and thoughts that travel around in my noggin, not publicity gains.

  13. October 30, 2009 5:17 am

    Oh, I know you do. I was just surprised to hear that Penelope Trunk is now advising against using your blog as a diary.

  14. November 3, 2009 11:46 am

    Hi Dawn,
    It’s a beautiful thought to think one as a speck of stardust! The song was too good, esp the line “to try an get my soul free”

    BTW, vata is good, better than pitta, it’s characterised by air and rules movement. Nice to read you write about Ayurvda Dosha…World seems to have shrunk so much:)

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