One in Three

Have you ever walked on a high wire before? No, probably not. Me either. If I were standing below someone walking the high wire for the first time, I wonder if I would try and tell them how to balance … what to do or not to do. Probably not.

I’d be watching them and hoping they’d make it across okay, especially if there was no net beneath. Would it help if I yelled up to them that they needed to do something different than they were doing. No, it wouldn’t help much at all.

One in three women are affected by domestic violence in their marriage. It’s like walking a high wire. When women in abusive situations begin talking about issues affecting them, most friends don’t stick around, that’s the sad part. Two thirds of the women they speak to, as friends, co-workers or neighbors … they have no experience in walking on a high wire. They have little idea of the sheer stamina it takes or what the risks are.

For any woman you come to know that is in a domestic situation, listen to her. Refrain from making her problem yours, she needs to voice what is happening to find her own solutions in the midst of insane situations. If you love her and want to see her make it across the high wire intact, be a friend who can listen. Find out how you can help.

That is the best you can do.

Help Me Answer Maria

I love connecting with people on Twitter. Maria direct messaged me the other day and wanted to discuss something about someone she has grown close too. She has a man in her life!

So I offered my email so we could discuss further and here’s what she wrote to me this morning:

What does it changes in my soul when I would sleep with a man? I’m afraid of sleeping with someone, even when he loves me, because I think I feel like beeing used, when he leave me after time. And I think I can’t still a virgin all my life, because I want to become children one time. Now I’m 20 years old and I don’t know if it’s right to sleep with someone or to let it be. ??!! The most people sleep with someone, they change the partners and the sex is very important for them. Is sex really so important?? I can’t imagine that. Maybe I’m wrong… I don’t know… I would like to know an answer. Thank you so much.

I emailed her back and let her know I’d really like to pause with this for a little while. Insights would help. The 46 year old mother in me wants her feel good with her decision to (safely) enjoy one of life’s deepest pleasures without seeing sex as a promise. I also want to highlight that no form of birth control is 100% guaranteed and that having sex carries risks. There is a physical and emotional side to sex for most women I think … but will it change her soul?

Has sex changed your soul?

Wild Geese

I remember a favorite poem every year when summer turns to autumn, when I recall how delicious warm apple cider tastes, when I bring my warm sweaters out … when I see geese flying high in the sky.

WILD GEESE

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting – over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

by Mary Oliver

My Spectacular Birthday Weekend

How it all began …

I made a promise one month ago. I promised my daughters they could have their own bedroom. When I made the promise, I had a few misgivings. They’ve shared one queen size bed their whole life. Until one year ago, they did not have a bed frame, a chest of drawers or a few other things that make a bedroom what it needs to be in their mind.

This promise to have their own room, it meant that they would need to have their own beds and a few things to express their own tastes. My daughters have been to Ikea two times in the past three years and left each time hoping for a ‘real’ bedroom, something like what they saw at the Ikea store. Buying bedding and lamps and small accessories have lifted their spirits in days past over the years, and they’ve never stopped dreaming that one day, they might have the room they were thinking of.

Shooting Blanks

This may have been precipitated by a question.

I had a dream that a word was missing. More precisely, it was the word coming before the word “there.” It looked like this: “__________ there.” I woke up. I didn’t want to wake up, I wanted to continue the dream. I laid there and tried to fall back asleep. That never works for me, I think to much.

Maybe I don’t need to figure out what this dream means to me. Maybe I already know the answer. But, I don’t know all the answers. Or all the possibilities … or all the variations … the twists. The subtleties. The innuendo.

What if I tell you about my dream and I am construed or misconstrued and you think I need to fill in my blank. Do I need the blank filled in for anything to make sense. Do I need the blank filled in to define a meaning — is this a parable? The babble of babel.

Define infinite. Define the contrasts. Define you make me sick. Define I love you. Coo coo ca choo.

Maybe there’s just a blank to fill in.

Not to Be Forgotten

“We do not remember days, we remember moments. The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten.”

-Cesare Pavese

I was two years old the first time I picked blueberries in a field of blueberry bushes at a farm in Michigan with my grandmother. I wasn’t much bigger than the bushes, I hardly had to bend over at all. I was thrilled to eat as many berries that I wanted and happy that my grandmother noticed that my bucket seemed to fill up much quicker than hers.

We took our filled buckets to my grandmothers car, a white Ford Galaxy with light blue interior, and we poured our berries into a big paper grocery bag in the trunk. I was very warm and wanted to take my jacket off before going back into the field. My grandmother opened the back door of the car and I tossed my jacket in, holding on to the car with one hand, and the car door was closed on my fingers. We didn’t go back to picking blueberries after that, we went to her house and ate blueberries.

My earliest memory has been etched into my mind like so many other ones since. And as I write this today I wonder, would I have remembered the joy of this day had I not experienced the injury too? Does your first memory as a child contain a negative element? I wonder.

Sickened with My Own Mediocrity

“Be comforted and walk your life in light and trust, for nothing will come to you that is not meant to be.”

-Emmanuel

I want to feel comforted but I don’t.

I witnessed a potential suicide attempt from a parking garage downtown, seven stories up, a man sitting on the ledge swinging his feet. My heart raced with thoughts, thinking he may jump from the ledge before my very eyes. To say I was moved doesn’t touch the surface of emotions I experienced. I did dial the police after spending minutes of feeling paralyzed in my car watching. Struggling with an ‘opportunity’ lost to do something more. I couldn’t bring myself to get out of the car or get involved in any other way than I did. My mind didn’t trust what I saw.

Relax, Everything is Deeply Intertwingled

The title is one of my favorite truisms by artist Jenny Holzer. It comes to mind right now, on the heels of writing a post about a dating lesson I experienced recently.

As some know, I opened myself up to the world of online dating on the first day of spring of this year. Finding my way around in the universe of single and dating has had a few interesting moments in this new and previously unexplored territory. My experiences range from scary to humorous so far, I think it’s all a part of the ride.

Where Are the Trees?

I like unusual combinations and I also like unusual perspectives. The abstract is like a koan to me. Last summer I heard my daughters say, “I’m bored.” Since I’m so easily amused, I said, “why don’t we play a game … imagine people you know, acting differently than you think they will.”

How do you play? Simple, in your mind pair up a situation that you think you know how certain people would respond in a given situation, but they don’t. They do exactly the opposite of what you think they would do.

Wife to husband: “I want to go on a fabulous tour with my blog friends for a week.”

Husband to wife: “Sounds perfect for you, how can I help you have what you want?”

Maybe boredom is a catalyst for creativity. Or maybe, it’s just fun imagining that the people around us might choose to respond differently. And when my kid’s ask, “Why would people do anything different?” … I just say, sometimes that’s the way God shows us the forest when we can’t see the trees.

I doubt God tires of dealing with our moments of boredom, I believe there is humor in all of our thoughts. And I secretly think choosing them, it matters a lot.

I Told You First!

You’ll hear about this next week!

Check all your vitals from ONE place … Facebook, Twitter, your favorite websites, blogs and news.

Earn money for checking your email … NO, I’m not kidding!

Send emails that self destruct … just like James Bond