The Way I Weigh Things

Life can be messy; rarely does a situation close before another begins. Life is filled with hurdles … overlappings are common. It’s a challenge to see beyond the place we are now and give thought to where think we want to be tomorrow … especially in turbulent times. It’s moments like these I turn to books, re-align with my intentions and reach out to friends who can handle me being all raw in my processing of ’stuff.’

When I feel like the ground is moving beneath my feet I turn to those I think I can count on. Like friends new and old, stress management coaches, previous husbands, legal experts and my sister the stargazer just to name a few. Their perspectives always bring me new questions to pause with. The Gestalt theory plays into things in my life pretty BIG. Right now I am on pause for very good reasons I don’t quite understand nor feel a need too. My final decision is sometimes a surprise to people in my life who’d prefer to avoid life and resist changes.

I am happy to share I’ve been sleeping soundly through the night for almost a week. I went from no sleep to nocturnal and then back to my natural state of early to bed early to rise. Thank goodness for normal. I’m also happy to share that more tenants moved out this weekend and that they were the caliber of folks I am not upset about saying goodbye too. I had the laundry room all too myself on Saturday. This kind of change is easy to embrace.

I’m beginning to see that intense self examination and testing convictions can be a collaborative thing for me. The people I turn to for advice, suggestion or a perspective — they make a BIG difference in my life. I especially love those dear ones I know that just let me hang onto their body and let me cry when I feel like it. I love the experts I feel close too and the ever-evolving ones I have as my blog friends — people I adore that are courageously following their own hearts at the same time.

There is only one thing better than releasing stress build up with a good cry. I’ve been indulging in good food, walks in the woods, long baths, and books that I have forgotten over the years. Some authors speak to me intimately and that counts for a whole lot. I enjoy the demands my children make of me, they know what’s good for me more than I do sometimes.

Ayn Rand’s novel Anthem has some good words to share that give me goosebumps today, my thoughts in parentheses:

“I stand here on the summit of the mountain. (of all I have expanded to being and knowing to this point) I lift my head and I spread my arms. This, my body and spirit, this is the quest. (I hand over what I think is right and good to the One who knows all) I wished to know the meanings of things. I am the meaning. I wished to find a warrant for being. I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction. It is my eyes which see, and the sight of my eyes grants me beauty to the earth. (I am grateful for all that I have seen and witnessed in my life) It is my ears which hear, and the hearing of my ears gives its song to the world. (how I serve the highest good in this world is important to me) It is my mind which thinks, and the judgment of my mind is the only searchlight that can find the truth. It is my will which chooses, and the choice of my will is the only edict I must respect.”

And I pause and look to all the things that have brought me to this place I am at right now with a BIG smile and heavy heart. I know it means saying hello to some things and goodbye to other things I once felt comfortable with.

Such is life.