Celebrating Liberty

My daughters had a mini vacation with their dad and I had four nights of freedom on my own.

Bailey and Mia knew when they left Friday night that they were going to the Minneapolis Zoo. Within the first twelve hours of leaving, I received a dozen text messages; one with a picture of a chicken that was as big as a six story building. They’d stopped for a sleep over in Albert Lea, MN Friday night with their dad.

Knowing where my children are is a very calming thing. Dare I say it liberates my mind. Even better when they happily share moment to moment texts of excitement and joy. And Friday, it was these things that added to a really good night of sleep for me. That was the night I had a dream of my twin self telling me that I needed some rest to find calm.

Saturday morning I spoke to Bailey and her dad on the phone and found out they were headed towards the Mississippi River and would be enjoying a more scenic route; one I was familiar with. They were headed to La Crosse, WI, where we lived twelve years ago after my ex completed medical school and entered residency there. Bailey was one month old when we moved there and two years old when we left La Crosse. She was eager about the whole idea of revisiting ‘roots,’ — and on the phone with her dad, he mentioned places that they’d be visiting that held meaning for him. I smiled with this news, I knew they’d be having a fabulous time that day.

And that afternoon I took a moment to think back on this place in the past. And I thought about our history as a couple, and living in La Crosse, a small river town placed on the edge of the great Mississippi. This time and place had some happy moments I remember, but not as a couple. We didn’t experience the same joys in our life, he didn’t experience the side of marriage I did.

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.”

-Nelson Mandela

Thoughts of this time and place didn’t trigger feelings of joy or grief like they might have at one time. And I noticed how it is when things that don’t have any meaning attached don’t have any emotions tied to them either.

I reached Mia on the phone Saturday night, she said they were staying in Mark Twain’s room before she handed the phone over to Bailey. I heard her say that they passed through La Crosse and were currently in Red Wing, MN. Bailey had a hint of disappointment in her voice, not visiting places in La Crosse. She had a different idea how that day would unfold, her dad changed plans midflight. She got off the phone happy though, telling me room service just delivered dinner. I smiled with knowing they were happy where they were.

And the next day I received a text that let me know they were at the Mall of America, where they would spend most of Sunday. Monday came with news they were at the Minneapolis Zoo. These clues are very calming when your young children are out of view. I was filled with gratitude over technology the whole time they were away. Worries were kept at bay and my mind could rest.

Those thoughts that keep me in circles are the primary cause of Unrest in me. Worry for the unknown … worry for tomorrow. How will I pay for that car repair? Are my children safe? Asking myself if I expect the worst to happen shows me where my fears are. Many things are not in my hands, lots of things are. Remembering the things that are; this brings the most calm.

And as I approach this holiday weekend, preparing to celebrate freedom, I’m feeling grateful for the freedom of speech, for the experiences I share, for the privilege to express unorthodox views publicly.

Freedom holds a lot of meaning for me. It’s a gift.