The Uncola

“While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart.”

— Francis of Assisi

Unrest is not as tasty as the Uncola. No, there is nothing effervescent about it. Unrest doesn’t quench me like the Uncola mind when it’s peaceful and clear.

Symbols are BIG in my life, they hold meaning and give me strength. I came across this photo over the weekend of peace flags on the deck of the apartment my daughters and I moved to after exiting my last marriage and filing for divorce. It was this time in my life that I learned how to deal with Unrest and become the Uncola. My practice involved symbols that aligned with my intentions, it allowed my mind to focus daily on calm during a time of Unrest four years ago.

Fast forward to more current news, the events that happened in my world a few weeks ago, when I discovered my camera had been stolen from my apartment and when I found out that my Volvo station wagon needed a pricey repair. These things caused worry in me — concerns that planted seeds of fear in my mind. I didn’t feel safe in my apartment, I didn’t feel safe driving my car. Three people have a key and my camera just came up missing one day. Still, I don’t know the absolute truth of what happened but I do know that me, not feeling safe where I live can undermine me.

Events like these ones happening with me are small beans compared to living with someone that’s not safe to be around, like a spouse for instance. Moments of waiting for the ax to fall is the worst kind of Unrest in the world. It can make you exhausted, drain your energy and keep you from rest. And I’m not just talking about sleep, a mind that cannot find any rest can leave you depleted physically too.

I don’t have any ancient Chinese secrets to share but I do have stories about identifying stress in your life and finding a remedy by restoring peace and calm. And since we’re all made of the same 92 elements, heck I figure my mind and body works just the same as yours does under stress filled moments and Unrest.

And I was extremely tired — even after changing the locks, reporting the camera stolen, and fixing my car. I felt safe again yet, I was exhausted more than when I had tangible worries. Five days ago I misplaced my wallet. I thought I left it at the convenience store where I gassed up in the morning. I brought donuts home for my daughters, and within five minutes I realized that I didn’t have my wallet, I went back to the store. They didn’t have it.

I came home with my head hanging, canceled my credit cards and alerted the Department of Motor Vehicles about my license. Does the idea of identity theft swirl around in your noggin too? My wallet contained a few things that made this fear come more to life than I’ve known it before. Misplacing items is a BIG symptom of stress and I just had to find my way out of this place. I needed an Uncola mind I quickly realized. I changed a few things by pulling the plug on what I call ‘Energy Leaks’ … I gave up reading emails and began reading things that were more uplifting, like Hafiz poems for instance, Kahlil Gibran and some philosopher guy named Plato. I stayed away from the phone and listened to classical.

Friday came, and my daughters went to spend a fun weekend with their dad at the Minneapolis Zoo. I canceled dates I’d previously arranged … I wanted me all too myself. So Friday night, without my daughters I noticed these thoughts of guilt rising to the surface, for things that went undone, for upholding my daughters summer vacation … trips to the pool and the park and to visit Joe at work, they didn’t happen with an unsafe car — for the few weeks they’d had out of school. And my thoughts lead me down a slippery slope of guilt … the opposite of the Uncola.

So I fell asleep early on a Friday night. And I’ve got to tell you this: I was happy I didn’t have to meet with someone who might (potentially) influence my feeling of safety. Sometimes I feel like a roast beef dinner when I meet with men. In fact, I decided I don’t want to horse around at all with dating anymore or put any efforts there. It’s an energy leak.

I awoke Saturday morning a few hours past my usual morning hour. I awoke from a dream that riveted me to the core and gave me back my Uncola mind. In my dream I met myself as my twin — me, at the same age. My twin was calm and I was exhausted, she was who I wanted to be. And there we were, in what looked like an outdated hospital room somewhere in Europe. I was sitting on the patients table and my twin was sitting on the chair beside the table. She told me she was the giver of gifts, she asked me what I needed … before I could respond she said, “You need rest to find calm again.” I woke up effervescent, in awe and wonder and spent my whole weekend resting.

Funny thing I found my wallet wedged deeply within the driver’s seat of my car. And I returned to my emails this morning and found a message from Lawrence with a photo of me at a school in Geneva. Thank God witch burning is a thing of the past. I feel calmer knowing that.